06.18.11
One year ago today, I lost my MOTHER, MY BEST FRIEND, MY CONFIDANT, MY CHEERLEADER, and MY COUNSELOR!
December 2008, we had a little get together for my father's birthday, something we generally did not do on his birthday. We invited his sisters, couple friends etc. My mother picked up this little girl and after that happened, she began complaining of her arm hurting. So she thought it was from picking up this little girl and she was not the type to go to the doctor. It was no big deal, it kept hurting here and there and kept it moving. During this time I was in the mortgage business and I wanted to take my mother on a nice vacation to get away because she alwaysss and I mean all her life worked so hard and she deserved it. I wanted to take her to Dominican Republic and we were close to going, but her arm was still giving her problems and she wouldn't enjoy herself. So I said well, let's go to California, you can visit with your brother and bring your friend. Once again she wanted to go but just couldn't. All this was around February 2009. So in March 2009, I went to LA for about a week to do a few things. Upon my return from LA, I notice she had this cough that would not quit and she would just lay around and I said something is not right here.
When one is in pain they generally do not want to eat, so her appetite kept decreasing. But before I left for LA, we had a closing on a loan and when we were walking outside, she tripped on the pavement, so from there it made it worse. Eventually in April she went to the doctor, from basic test they were saying it may possibly be rotator cuff problem and gave her pain pills to carry on. It would not go away, so we went back to the doctor and they sent her to get a CT scan. So he called once he received the results and said they saw a mass on the lung area and where it was it can cause the arm etc to hurt.
Went to another doctor, she said the same thing. So she just started getting weaker and weaker. The doctor referred her to a specialist and he had to do a bronchoscopy. Which is a small outpatient procedure where they go into the problem area and take a piece out so they can test it. When we went to his office a few days later he gave her the news that she had Stage Four Lung Cancer. During this time my father had been out to sea and he was not scheduled to come home until late June. This is not easy at all to deal with, but you have to do your best and be STRONG AND POSITIVE for that person and that is what I did. I never gave her doubt, I always told her she was going to be just fine. Until one day my aunt came by and we took her to the emergency room because she was so dehydrated and not eating and they gave her fluids and so forth and they admitted her to the hospital for about a week. Mind you, my mother had never been sick beside a common cold all my life. We never had to take her to the hospital for anything, this was all new. While in the hospital they decided she immediately needed to take radiation treatments. She was quite nervous about it, but she was a trooper. It took a bit out of her, but while she was in the hospital she needed blood as well and that helped her with her appetite. After she got the blood was eating much better and came alive a little more.
Everyday, I would get up and go the hospital early in the morning and stay for as long as I could. She would tell me to go home and get some rest, that I was doing too much. I told her, I could never do too much and to be quiet lol. So after that week she was released and she was so happy to come home to her own home and bed.
By this time it was around 1st or 2nd week of June and I told my dad and she did as well not to get off the ship, just keep working. I was fine, during this time, I came to notice how emotionally strong I was, I would have never known. In the meantime she had to go to radiation treatments and so we would go back and forth. I had new FFB merchandise that arrived during her stay in the hospital and I truthfully did not even have time to promote and so forth like I should. This did not matter, she was my priority. Some days she would say, I have a taste for Chinese or Fried Chicken from a couple of her favorite restaurants here so I would go and get it and we would enjoy. Even if she didn't eat much we had a great time and just being with her by myself meant the world to me.
Once my father returned around the end of June, after the radiation they decided she would need Chemotherapy. After radiation that mass had shrunk almost to the place of being gone. But the chemo would be the extra measure to keep maintenance going to make sure it does not come back. My mother was big on beauty as far as her hair and makeup, she was also a small fram person all of her life. At the highest weight, she was probably a size 8 and consistently wore a size 4-6 max. When she started chemo, her hair did not come out, it just shed a little more, but when they stepped up the dose of a certain chemo med the hair started really coming out and then we just cut her hair down very low, but she did wear it well. I know her hair is something she always enjoyed doing and getting beautiful.
After a while she was doing well, she would be weak after chemo and have to get blood sometimes or something, but for the most part she was doing much better. We would always encourage her, now remember she was always the encourager. One HUGE thing I am thankful for in my life that no one can take from me is that my mother and my grandmother left me with a legacy. They taught me about God and how to lean on HIM AND DEPEND ON HIM. That is all is could do during this time, this was all out of my control and I had to go with the flow. So I am very thankful for those wonderful women in my life to teach me from young who God truly is! They could not have left me anything better.
During this time eMERGE Trade Show was born, because I was here everyday with my mom and I did have a lot of time to think. So in early September I thought, what could help people with clothing brands get their names out. What have I gone through that can help others eliminate some of the trying situations I dealt with. So eMERGE was born with my partner Ray and this October will be our 2nd annual show in Miami. Immediately we went to work on eMERGE and by end of October 2009, we had signed the contract on the event location and about a week later put eMERGE Trade Show to the world. We had nothing to lose and put our all into this show. During this time, I am still here with my parents and dealing with all the things that come along with cancer and it was not easy. I had to keep myself uplifted everyday. The greatest thing is that my mother loved this eMERGE and said it would be very successful one day, just keep doing it.
Medical bills steady rolling in and my dad had to go back to sea in February 2010. I did not have steady income because I was here to help in every way I could. eMERGE was taking place in April 2010. There was SOOOO MUCH to be done, I can't even tell you. I continuously had to get my mother to doctor appointments, getting blood and much more everyday. In between this time, I had to focus on eMERGE heavily as well. Ray was working and so many calls and emails had to be handled by me until he got off or on his lunch he would do all he could as well.
Two months my mother and I were together again basically by ourselves for the most part. My aunt would come by and another lady if I needed to go to the store and run errands and they would sit with her while I was gone. Faithfully everyday, I would give her the medications she needed, cook and even help bathe her. She had this movie called "Babies Day Out" that would come on HBO like all the time, but it was so funny to her to see this baby move around the city like he did and she got a lot of joy from watching this, so she would eat and watch the movie and fall asleep. In the meantime, I am making sure everything is straight with her and working on eMERGE. During these 2 months, I believe every night I got about 3-4 hours of sleep a night maximum and and not all at one time. My father and her were planning to come to eMERGE depending on how she felt and her strength if the doctors would have permitted her to do so.
In March, the oncologist wanted her to get a PET Scan, which this machine you go into for a couple of hours and it scans the whole body for cancer. The reason he did this as well, was because she was complaining of her stomach hurting sometimes. As the weeks went on she kept complaining of her stomach even more and would regurgitate sometimes here and there. Finally, it is time for my father to return, she was very happy and so was I that he was back. The next day she had a doctor's appointment and was to have chemo. My dad went up to the counter and we did not have the results of the PET Scan back yet and he was told that the cancer had spread to the stomach and was spreading. What I failed to mention is that in January, she did go to the ER because of the stomach but they didn't really see anything but the cancer near the lung. Now, how could I forget, in November one doctor said the cancer was gone and he did not see it anymore, but she was to continue with chemo for maintenance.
My mother was always a very active person and to go from doing everything yourself to being helpless, I really believe this did not set well with her. She would always tell me, I don't want you doing all this for me, I feel bad you have to do this. So I would joke around and say be quiet girl, don't start all that, too bad I am doing it lol. Before I left for eMERGE we had another meeting with the doc a few days before and this is when he basically told her, that there is nothing else they can do and they only give her a few months to live or he said I can't say maybe a year max. She took it like a CHAMP. I do believe when doctors tell their patients this, it does something to them. No matter what, we are all human and it puts you in a different state of mind after here this and I don't think it was a good thing to do in that manner.
I had all of this on my mind and eMERGE was in a week so I had to make my way to Miami. She was doing ok, I would call everyday or she would call me and check on me and tell me she loves me and she missed me and couldn't wait for me to get home. Thank God eMERGE was a true success and then I returned home!
She told me when I got back, don't leave me anymore! I told her I'm not girl. During the time my father was gone in those 2 months, I shared a lot with my mom and I told her I love her and God loves her best and to always talk to HIM, he hears you and will never leave you. She said she was always talking to Him and I know she was, because she was a women of faith that committed her life to the Father. I would not let her sleep by herself when my father was gone, because I could not take that chance of something happening and I can't hear or see her. So I laid there with her every night. As I stated before, I hardly slept. I kept watch over her and we would watch TV or call my aunt and laugh on the phone at funny things, time and situations. At night, I would hold her hand and tell her she was going to be ok, doctors only know what they see, but God knows best! Most of all that I love her. I cherished this time with her and sooo very happy that I was able to be there for her during her time of need.
May rolls around and she is up and down everyday, no consistency. Not eating hardly drinking and at this point her weight was so low, like a rack of bones almost. She was never a big women all of her life, so not eating a few times could take the weight right off of her.
One Sunday, her heart starts beating rapidly and my dad calls me in the room and she is just laying there so we call the ambulance. This was in June 2010 that this took place around the 11th. I told her who was in control and she looked and me and said she knew, or course that is Jesus! I told her don't worry and know that He knows best. All along for months I prayed to God that he would not allow my mother to suffer, because she didn't deserve that and would not want to do so.
So being in the hospital they gave her some meds and calmed down the heart rate and they put her in a room and she just lay there everyday. She saw us when we came in, she was just in and out but remember, your hearing is the last thing to go before you pass away. I could tell she was at peace. I knew when we called the ambulance that it would not be much longer she would be around. Around the 16th they discharge her to come home and we met with Hospice to go over a few things. Had a hospital bed and oxygen tank for her and she just laid there, she was in pain and she did not want you to touch her too much. On the 17th the hospice nurse came by to introduce herself and go over all they would do. At this point my dad needed to get back to work for a month or so, so it was going to be me all by myself with my mother. I can't even lie at this point I was panicking and beyond a nervous wreck. She never wanted to me to be doing this and she knew my dad was leaving, he had no choice, bills had to be paid. The nurse went back and looked at her and we got her all fixed up and comfy in her hospital bed, but she came out of the room and told us, she doubt she would make it through the night. All the signs were pointing to her passing away. That last week, each day she was slipping. Thank God she made it through the night. On June 18th, I went to the grocery store quickly, I had just gave her some morphine before I left and I had to get something for her, my dad told me to just go. I had a feeling it would happen. When he called before I got out the car at the store, he said come back, I think she is going or is gone. This was around 9:18am on June 18th. When I came in the door, she was gone, she took her last breath when I went to the store and my dad was there and witnessed this. The day before my dad leaves, she passes away and she did not want me alone dealing with it. My mother was never selfish and I know she probably asked God to take her.
In a big way, this was a relief, a relief because she would have been miserable here like that. God knows best and He took her home and she is in paradise now, the best place you can ever go. I am happy about that and that she knew God and accepted him as her Lord and Savior years ago, so I have nothing to be worried about. After the funeral, I vowed I would never go to her grave again, we do not believe in that. They are gone, there is no one there to visit. If they die and know about us back here on earth, do you know how miserable they would be and hurt? No, they do not remember this life, they are with the Father.
I lost my mother which no one can ever take her place and no one ever will. Death comes sometimes not alone for that person, but there are things that we have to learn and God has things for us to do that we may not do if that person was around. I cannot believe it has been 1 year since this took place, time has passed so very quickly, like never before.
I am more than thankful for everything she ever did and sacrificed for me in my life and the encouragement she always was willing to give to me. She told me before she passed to never give up on FFB or eMERGE, one day they will be successful businesses. She taught me to be the woman I am today and for that I am forever thankful.
I LOVE YOU MOMMA, ALWAYS AND FOREVER!
REST IN PARADISE MRS. SMB JULY 8, 1945- JUNE 18, 2010
Thank you to all that have read my story, I appreciate you very much. God Bless!!
06.07.11
Genevieve Chanelle | Beautiful Creation from Director | Mike Ho on Vimeo.
Music by Young Dee, I love his music, you all you definitely check him out
Twitter: @Youngdeesdasinga
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